INTRODUCTION

 

Hi Camille! I want to share what has been working for me in terms of anxiety. The first thing is staying moving and staying physical. I recommend that you look in your area for Taichi and Chikung (Qigong) classes. In itself, practicing one or both these arts could theoretically eliminate all anxiety. They are slow easy movements that calm and balance as well as cultivate/harness/focus and direct Chi/Ki/"Life force energy". It's not a philosophy, religion, cult or anything. In fact, directed healing energy work runs in our family...Mami used healing hands during our family's trial in Siberia when no medicine was available. Daddy survived Typhoid, malnurishment, etc. with this help and people in the village came to her for healing. Florence has been drawn to massage, etc. The healing hands is but one of the many effects of these practices. Another effect is that it gets you out of your mind and into your physical (as well as 'energy' or 'subtle energy' body...see addendum for explanation). Getting 'out of your mind' in a healthy way is especially helpful when life/stress/anxiety already has you 'out of your mind' ;). If you don't want to find a local class, I can forward free online courses...however doing it in groups with a teacher is better to learn before taking on home practice. I'd be happy to show you what I know.

 

In my opinion, it is advised that your wellbeing and finding the path to peace be at the forefront of your endeavours. It is time, in my opinion (at least at first) to be 'selfish' and consider finding relief as your primary job. Once you are well you will be again able to focus on and have more directed/focused/balanced/wise energy for work/family etc. Trailblazing your way to the path will require a lot of time, introspection and work. Ironically the work leads you always to the moment, to wherever you are right now...kind of like a Zen parable (but more about that later). As the L'oreal commercials say "because you're worth it".

 

On that note, self esteem is a large root cause of anxiety. Anxiety partly arises as a discord between what you think your situation/who you are can and should be and how it is. If everything, including your station in life was exactly as you think it should be and you were content and experiencing peace there wouldn't be anxiety. There is a saying that if you want to make Gd laugh, let him know your plans. The moral to this story is to accept things as they are. This includes loving and accepting and rejoicing in who you are right now, and appreciating life on life's terms as it is right now. There is no guarantee of tomorrow, so your chance to be grateful is right now.

 

You have been 'on the go' for as long as I've known you. You need to learn to slack ;) Jesting aside I know it's hard to 'selfishly' 'put yourself first' considering you are married, your job, your other job, the house, the kids, the needs for social life, etc....again, paradoxically this is why you need to.

 

As the Zen saying goes "Let go or you will be dragged". Let go of preconceived notions. Letting go allows a return to 'center' like rebooting a buggy computer. In another parable a teacher advises a layman (non monk) to meditate for 20 minutes every day. The student says "what if I don't have the time?" to which the teacher replies "then you must meditate for one hour". Think of an airplane when the oxygen masks fall down. You must put it on and take care of yourself first before (to be able to) care for your children. A lot of the logic here seems reversed and backwards. In fact learning 'the way' is often counterintuitive. Our best thinking so far has led us to where we are now (feeling anxious, unfulfilled and not at ease), so it is time for a change/shift in how we perceive things, how we act (our behaviours/thought and physical patterns) as well as restructuring our goals/direction/values. Yes, it's a tall order as well as a challenge which is exciting. It is like an exciting mystery novel you can't put down where you are the sleuth hunting, it turns out, for yourself. This process/quest/evolution of mind and being is the greatest challenge there is. Most people are unaware of it's necessity, so count yourself lucky. It is said that the greatest martial artist is one who has understood, overcome and conquered himself. In doing so, all other life challenges (and warriors, using the martial arts anaolgy) pale in comparison and can not lay a finger on them. I found in my recent 'recovery' process that everything I thought was important wasn't and everything I thought wasn't important was. As you work towards peace invariably there will be an automatic and (and natural) resistance in you to changing the patterns before you internalize these healthy changes (your ego and intellect will kick and scream like a resistant child). As the saying in 12 step recovery programs go, "if it feels familiar it is not change".

 

The Mind, Body and Heart/Spirit/Soul are connected. Anxiety and illness arises when there is an imbalance among the three. All 3 must be addressed individually to work in harmony to produce the result of peace, harmony as well as natural and lasting joy. Though there is much wisdom in friend's/familiy's/doctor's advise, spiritual books, etc. I found I could not just 'positive think' my way out of how I felt. Hearing their words of advice and encouragement (though helpful in the way a cheerleader is vaguely helpful to the quarterback) from above me was not enough to climb out of the trench I was in. I needed to build a ladder using the resources around me. You must build your own ladder using individual practice (inside work) as well as attending group therapy/classes/sessions regularly (outside work). The 'outside work' is to learn about and remind you as to the nature of the problems and to guage where you are in improvement. It is for reinforcement and repetition of the causes and solutions/work you must (and are) doing. It is only through repetion that anyone learns anything. Remember this is a path. You can not gain knowledge from a meeting and say 'I got it, I don't need to return to group' because 'getting it' intellectually is not the same as practicing and living it (the path).

 

On a side note, for me seeing a psychiatrist and getting on medicine was necessary to find enough of a stable baseline footing in the 'trench' just to 'stand up' before I could even attempt endeavoring to climb out. Otherwise I was in the process of constantly being knocked down into this trench day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I had had a traumatic head injury that caused imbalances in my function, as well as the predisposition to the depression that runs in our family. I now take cymbalta medicine and it has helped a lot. Then the real work began. So, make sure first that you are on the right dosage of the right medicine. The struggle with depresion/mental illness has caused adversity in our lives, but it through adversity that we learn/evolve/grow and develop. Success is not measured by our station in life but what we have overcome. Pat yourself on the back for having overcome so much.

 

Now take a deep breath, for the work is about to begin (as king Henry said 'once more into the breach'). Be a warior for peace (such as Dan Millman's 'way of the peaceful warior'). A common man runs from battle, but wariors like us run into it.  A warior is not just an aggressor, they can also be defenders/protectors of family and home (monk story will learn and shaolin monks). View every problem and difficulty as a teacher, every crisis an opportunity. If things are perfect and static there is no impetus to change/grow/evolve/develop/get at the heart of matters. Remember in HG Wells the time machine the above ground eloa who were cared for and without stryfe had lost their humanity. The fight to harmonize (yin/yang) IS the human condition. Until you reach enlightenment and break thru the yin yang cycle, there is more to the grail cup (you) that must be emptied (change) allowing more/new experience, wisdom and understanding to be gleaned. It is an epic quest for the holy grail which ultimately is you.

 

All of this will get easier and better with time. It all builds on itself. There are neuropeptides in the brain that create trenches which furthur activities/impulses/patterns/desires and attitudes in one direction (downward spiral) or another (upwards spiral). The more one feels a certain way, the more receptors in the brain are grown to receive and experience that way and feeling. Also the subconscious does not differentiate between what you say to yourself/your dreams/what you see on tv from reality. It acts on these inputs as fact. This is why positive affirmations work so well. You can do a search on youtube for some good ones. In class I have heard of people putting notes on their dashboard, etc. saying 'Camille you are awesome', and the like, and it has helped them. In an experiment those who envisioned shooting perfect baskets in detail improved more than those who physically practiced and both groups showed statistically significant improvement over a control group who did nothing. subconscious not discern, pos affirmation n visualization, youtube. Also mind like tv radio signals tune in or computer os needs upgrade and thoughts software

 

This new endeavor you must embark on, this 'program' is to steer the course from an unhealthy manner to a fullfilling lifestyle and way of being. If you have 44 years in one direction it will take more than a couple weeks to 'reprogram' yourself and effect change towards another...so you must be patient and kind to yourself during the process, do not get frustrated...or if you do, remind yourself of the decades of programming you are up against to allow yourself to let go of the frustration as it arises.

 

You may say to yourself 'I don't have time for this'. There is never a good time for this. Remember the Jewish Proverb "If not me, then who? If not now than when?" Your very soul is at stake, what can be more important?

 

WHAT IS ANXIETY

If you are living in the past you have regret and are depressed. If you are projecting into the future, you have anxiety. We have within us what is called the fight or flight response. When our ancestors saw danger, such as a tiger, the fight or flight response kicked in causing a surge of adrenaline. , now tewisted not caught up evo and malad envion tiger when not there. So adrenaline a huge factor and must avoid it from limiting stressors drama, anxiety situations ppl, reading the news, drama etc. Foods with adrenaline.

 

anxiety is eror safety survival checking gone awry, and projecting consequence into future not helpful as not realistic. also arise when out of state. too much adrenaline inside. also animal eat with adrenaline, adrenal burnout added up constant anxiety buzz. plus ancestral cellular memory water flea in blood memories transplants, our ancestry ptsd and passed on as raised so many issues.

 

THE BODY

Let's start with addressing the body. There is so much that can be done for the body that i will put the fundamentals and basics here, and put a more complete list along with reference links as an addendum. Are you sleeping well? That was huge for me. The right mattress and pillow is of the utmost importance.

 

Eating right. Small portions. Organic if you can. More salad and vegetables with every meal than anything else. Avoid bread and pasta as much as you can (over time enriched flour causes a glue paste that lines the stomach and intestines blocking nutrients from being absorbed). Eat more rice (preferably brown rice, and preferrably non imported rice as the imports contain lead) as well as oats and less wheat. Do not eat fast or processed foods. Avoid grease and fat (except non tuna fish fat.Tuna contains mercury a neurotoxin). Avoid sugar and juices. Drink lots of water (I recommend Arrowhead, Calistoga and Black Mountain). Take the right supplements. Avoid alcohol at all costs (you will be surprised how even a little at night effects you the next day). Limit your caffeine (if you are tired during the day, instead of coffee try going for a walk or bike ride, or move around with laundry and housecleaning and gardening and/or see if a nap works for you).

 

Excercise is the most important thing, even if it's a daily walk up and down the hill. Human nature is to be moving. It activates all the internal systems and releases endorphins which allay anxiety. It connects you to the world, gives you time away from cares, improves self esteem and synchronises the mind/body/spirit connection. It also opens you to the types of experience you need to foster to see the world with fresh renewed eyes of wonder (more later). You want comfy tennis shoes, and I use orthotic inserts I got using a Dr. Scholls machine at wallmart that evaluated my pressure points and recommended one of 30 possible inserts. Though it is good to break a sweat daily (cardio), do flexibility/stretches/yoga (limbering and alignment) as well as strength training (build), it is best to start simple and stay in your comfort zone at first (so you are not overwhelmed or feeling guilty about what you aren't doing).

 

Avoid sitting for too long. Avoid tv and media/information stimulus and electronics as these things disrupt internal work/peace, keep you locked in fantasy and headspace and disconnect you from the momment - the here and now (the only place where peace is found) as well as interfering/sensing/being in tune with the grounding frequency of the earth (which cycles at a calming ultra low 7khz). Learn to live simply, that is commune with nature. Take the time and learn to listen to the birds, hear wind in the trees. Not only allow yourself, but consider it your job, as you are 'in recovery' to take aimless walks in rose gardens, around the neighborhood as you soak in the sun, etc....simple things...you will soon discover how much amazing complexity as well as stillness is to be found in simple things. Avoid stresses like driving and traffic as much as you can. Stay in your heart and guard this feeling/heart centered wellness ferrociously as you continue to identify and eliminate stressors and drama from your life - that is, get off facebook and twitter, cut ties with situations and friends who cause or are always mired in drama, etc. We require focus and stillness, not distraction.

 

Once you are well you can take these extraneous/worldly things up again (though you most likely won't want to). You have spent so much time with these things up until now (we all have), that it's ok to now put them on hold. Right now your 'recovery' comes first. As I said, consider it your primary full time job (for now at least). Remember the Universe provides and the more you let go of the unhealthy the more the space opens up allowing that which is right and will sustain you and your family. Now is the time. cup analogy

 

THE MIND

The mind. www.kp.org has many resources including group talk circles and classes available for free. If you go to the chemical dependency center (cdrp) you can have an intake session. You could say you want to look at codependency. Once in the system accessing weekly psychologists, group sessions etc. is easy and free.

 

Through independent couples counseling (such as James Orlando in Valejo who is excellent) or through kaiser classes, learn couples communication skills and styles that eliminate misscomunication and unecessary agitation. There are ways to communicate that avoid or return you out of semantics/intellectual/words arguments (frustrating/causing anger and resentment) to the baseline of the love that exsists between you.

 

You may have codependency issues based on childhood triggers and traumas that must be uncovered. I was surprised to find this was true for me. Codependent people (like me) are 'other directed' instead of 'inward directed'. I myself am learning about codependency, and the more I learn the more I see how this way of being has affected me. It is tricky to wrap my head around it completely, but I am learning. For now, please see the documents attached to this email and  see if it speaks to you. You can also go to www.coda.org and look around.

 

When a strange, negative or intrusive thought pops up in your head, do not latch onto/examine it or give it energy. Just say to yourself 'that is strange' and move on. We have three fundamental underlying psychic forces/drives. The Eros - the 'Life Drive' (which is constructive, life affirming concerned with Art and Beauty), the Thanos - the 'Death Drive' (concerned with death) and Morpheus - sleep that balances the two. When you are driving and all of a sudden you think 'what if I just drive over that cliff' that is the Thanos. It is strange but natural. Life is like the Yin and Yang. You can not cut negativity and evil out of your life, you can only learn to deal with it in an adaptive (healthy) rather than a maladaptive way (mental illness). Imagine a stick with good on one side and evil on the other. You cut the part with evil on it off. Now you are left with a shorter stick that still has good on one side and evil on the other. Those who struggle to cut the evil merely suppress it until it eventually festers and comes out in twisted and worse ways. As Jung said, that which we resist becomes stronger. Accept yourself as you are. It is only through acceptance/surrender/'letting go' that the space is made for peace. It is only through peace that we can then learn to evolve and transcend. Take comfort in knowing you are unique or alone in this, or any of this.

 

(The Phoenix is a regular bird that must die to be reborn in fiery glory as the Phoenix. The caterpillar must let go of being a caterpillar to become a butterfly).

 

For the mind I recommend reading 4 books "The Four Agreements" by Ruiz, "The Book of 5 Rings" by Miyamoto Musahi,  "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle and "The Demon's Sermon on the Martial Arts - A Graphic Novel from the book by Issai Chozanshi ". I have provided my synopsis of the first two books in the addendum.  I recommend you read these books yourself, but the synopsis will give you an idea of what they are about. After the proper medicine, the second most important change affected in me was through absorbing  these books, and effect that was nothing short of miraculous. Of course, for me the ground was fertile and I was ready to receive positive change because, through the compassion patience love and wisdom of Ellen, I had already been guided into abstinence from addictions and into the path of recovery.

 

Believe me, I was kicking and screaming the whole way. I did not want to attend any of the meetings. I had many reasons in my mind not to as well as many biases and preconceived notions about the nature of the meetings as well as the people who would be attending. I considered myself superior to the people before I got there, and I especially felt this way when I saw them outside the meeting based on their appearance. Needless to say I was obstinate and not humble. I can not stress enough how important it is to be humble and to get out of denial. In fact it is the most important and difficult part. Remember, as it is often said, just showing up is 75% of the job.

 

The third and fourth books I will gladly lend you. In between attending group meetings, doing group homework, meditating and excercising, you must read spiritual books such as these, or ones you find that speak to you. Syncronicity and serendipity will put the right books in your hands at the right time, as 'when the student is ready the master appears'.

 

EGO and INTELLECT versus the SPIRIT AND SOUL

The goal/the way is to be happy right here and right now. The larger and later goal is spiritual enlightenment and breaking the cycle of reincarnation, but do not concern yourself with that right now. What must be learned first is the way of balance. As the Buddah explained, a violin with strings wound too loosely and lax makes no sound. The strings on a violin wound too tight break. It is only the violin with the strings wound in the middle that makes a beautiful sound. So, while doing the work in earnest (the string wound tight enough), consider it your job to pamper and go easy on yourself (strings wound loose enough) so that you may live the middle path towards a restoration of balance. All systems from biological to economic, are homeostatic - that is they 'seek' and eventually reside in a balanced state.

 

The biggest obstacle to experiencing wellbeing we face is the ego. We become identified with the ego/intellect and thinks it's us. The ego/intellect is a calculator that is helpful in determining necessary orders of operation to achieve goals (logical planning).

 

However, 'the map is not the terrain'. You can plan well, but when actually living and 'walking' the terrain, things will not go as planned and you must adapt. If the ego insists you must keep the large unfolded map before you as you walk and it is the only thing that is right (and safe), it will cover your eyes and prevent you from observing and walking on the actual terrain without stumbling, preventing you from reaching your destination. That is, it becomes maladaptive.

 

The ego/intellect works as a 'difference engine'. Much like rudimentary artificial intelligence programs, it works by observing patterns and assesing what is similar and what is different. It then looks to it's base of instructions as to how to proceed with things that are different.  What if the base of instructions is incomplete (which it is)?

 

As a 'difference engine' it is in it's essence an obstacle to seeing and experiencing things/reality/life as a unified whole. It attempts to constrains all of reality though it is not adequate for perception of reality. As a logic/difference engine/glorified calculator, it is  inadequate at perceiving truth, like a person with a calculator attempting to understand a Shaekspear play.

 

In truth, everything is interconnected and interelated. In the piece of paper exist the clouds that rained on the trees causing them to grow. In the cloud is the ocean that gave it rise. There is the lumberjack that took the trees to the mill. The family and food that supports the lumberjack. The energy the mill used to make the paper. This is the intricate 'web of life'. (hologram). Wisdom comes from 'seeing with a spiritual eye' to see the unity of all things, to transcend the surface of perceived difference and connect with the baseline Truth of all things (which is 'religious' by nature).

 

You wouldnt let a calculator run a ship or country, but that is what has happened in us, we have allowed a calculator that should be a tool at our disposal run our lives. This tool is associated with the left hemisphere of the brain that quantifies, categorizes, finds differences and splits things apart then compartmentalises everything  putting things arbitrairily in one place or another ultimately to have relief of perceived control and understandiung to satisfy the reptile mind (more on this later). It is not accurate. In reality there are no categories. Reality can only be understood as unity and wholeness. Look at duckbilled platypus. it shouldn't exist but it does. you say hello i am name. are you really that name. no you are nameless you are much more than can be seen, quantified or categorized. This is why we, as human react poorly to be assigned a number (being quantified/categorized) to replace our name. Such an attempt is inhumane. (It is a schizo process (long understood tavistoick and control n programing thru fear on news etc thru trauma and pers split schizo).

 

ego detaches, individuates and ultimately causes you to considers itself/yourself outside or above the system. This is koyonaskatsi, life out of balance. in western scientific logical soc we see in our bible we named animals and told can use them as please. look where that has got the world. In reality we are side by side. in native trad animals placed above us as they can see the otherworld same time as this one. The way is to understand and integrate with the system. selfish self centered. not in harmony with web of life ecosystem sees itself above. need harmony and unity. all follishness n probs from, thinks above it all and can control, is in charge is right so not humble not open to even the idea of growth cause stay in denial. look at effect of radical fundamntalist so right even challenging is thought crime. I have right answer i know, lab coat my essay, that is ego at work. passed generationally thru sys scr not allow change, like meme virus those that say spread do, indoctrination from early age and pack social animals fear ostracising shunning stay within, kept blind to outside keep sys enclosed, stagnant pool unhealthy not human nature as st kirk says to be free to explore, cage of the mind the worst kind, like elephant and chain to rope. ego lightbulb is exhausting.

 

 It contains conflicting arguments, sometimes a thousand at a time. A clever fox wanted to eat a centipede. It asked it "how do you know which foot to put in front of the next" at which point it froze in thought and confusion allowing the fox to eat it. It was so in it's (intellectual) mind that it had gotten out of it's natural instinctive life flow (the flow). Life/The Universe/Reality can not be perceived and understood with the ego and intellect alone...it was not built for that. It can get man to the moon, but can not stop men from senselessly hurting each other.

 

think robot tell it "everything I say is a lie" it computes this until it smokes. There is cog dissonance and more tries to compute more anxious stressed gets out as it needs mastery over logic of sit before can feel safe. 1) dont need mastery in this way. 2) reality is not logical or rational, that is but a part not the whole icture. Reality can only be understood as unity and wholeness.

 

 diff engine alows notion of superiority in individs, races, countries flag propaganda jingoism religion divides, kill in name of peace 1984 war is peace self deludes illogical. at basis is not a unifying engine. strays as far from truth as possible while at same time blocking percepotion of truth and reality, downwrads spiral and self enforces ideals. remember isms not healthy. society based on this duality buddah warns break free, my team vs yours, crips vs bloods, conflict, coke vs pepsi, illusion of choice bolster identity cuz ur pepsi man not realizing same entities control pepsi and coke see bilderberg, and media continues this 3 outlets. harm caused like children find the different one smear the queer and make feel bad to boost self up and garner status in group hierarchy of popular ones. know its the meek that inherent, the revenge of the nerds and all that psychic energy wasted. peking order not acceptance. getting groups churches to even sit at same table n review commonality huge task. and uniforms tell us whose fdiff and in charge authority the priest outfit, police etc once don it view diff, the wave experiment, the zimbardo experiment, kids told eye color superior...those most susptible those would be meek powerless system so most fervent in enforcing, most afraid to loose the control, the conflicted homosex most aggressive homophobes, not accept as things are and sys not allowing it, all cause tarnish image, image manufactured and celebrated like celebrities propped up as idols, its not real, blood runs red, and commandment no idols, yet its what we do, and bar as groomed and funded crafted by experts like president speach so high no one else can live up to makes commoner feel bad, even celebs themselves cant live up to it its exhausting. something that is learned and passed on monkeys aggressive cilture put in nonaggressive diff species culturte lost aggression worked harmoniously and their descendants same. its meme virus and in this dimension the vikings overrun and win perpetuating. so want to change the world? change yourself.

 

The higher the IQ, the more easily can someone be swayed by propaganda and fololled by charletans, because such people pride themselves on being able to discern truth and are fooled...first by themselves then by others. Also, without gut instinct connection, ellaborate intricate justification rationalizations 'proofs' in the form of lies can obscure. You must learn to trust your gut instincts and live by the heart. Learn to see with the 'spiritual eye'. Jesus when asked 'what is the secret to Life' replied "do you see what you see". Of course we don't. (though with practice we can catch glimpses). If you look with a regular eye at Stephen Hawking you may have false judgments of him and his abilities, yet uncover and scratch the surface using the compassionate/respectful/in tune 'spiritual eye' and you will see much more. Gather chi energy and transcend limitations as the energy moves up the harmoniously synchronized chakras into the unity field. Aboriginese consider dream real and this dream.

 

Ego is especially difficult to discern and address because intellectual control in life sometimes IS necessary. It is also difficult to discern and address  because you have relied on it as long as you can remember, entrenching a deep pattern. Ego intellect lightbulb exhausting gurad identity will try to remain. It thinks it's in charge and wants to stay in charge.

 

yet so elevated replaced ourt notion true identity become the president speaking voicve of ourselves, not its job, that dont know what we want to achieve, or what it recommends isnt healthy.  The ego is a tool, and should only be used as such. Don't put all your eggs (life identity) into one (small) basket (ego).

 

peace and wellbveing can only be found in the now. ego intellect is a disconnect from the now and reality and short cuircuits the wholeness circuit state that is body and soul, it will continue to operate but ignore it and voice becomes little, more energy and focus there and it overtakes, fuel to the fire. At the party it is the voice that not allows u to relax.ur there but instead let go and relax enjoy its curious/wondering/projecting/discerbing did leave iron on, is there enuf guacamole, will john get along with suzy, it is the worrier/anxiety.

 

see that rock its in head, must be big head. both in bringing back to now and reality and if think so get a big head. big head ego maniacs are not fun ppl, they are pompous selfish greedy bad vibe and make u unhappy and all around them with their self importance, they power trip[ bosses and leads to no empathy for workers. other zen parables.

 

Intellectuals run themselves in circles entrenching themselves further in the maze in the quest to boast who is right. Some, such as nutty professors get so wrapped up in the intellect they lose good/natural/horse sense and forget to tie their shoes (and other important basics). There is a story of a concerned student who runs to his Rabbi saying "I can prove I don't exist!" to which the Rabbi tapped him on the nose asking "what hurts?". The student had been so lost in ego/intellect that they had literaly lost touch with reality. look at the absurdities of post modern deconstrucytionism (the tv show lassie is really an anology of the industrial revolution or whatev) or philosophy so unintelligible every word requires reading its own book only to prove the difference between rabit and rabbitness. empty pursuits. all for what? to teach the next gen of philos the same bs. are they happy? facebook causes distraction and add after full day of lack focus ask self what done. affected people dont know slightly in cyber world. not furthering what should be ur 'selfish' aims. at end argument can say like bush on carier mission accomplished whern not only has it not been, delusion, but the battle itself was costly destructive disastrous for nothing only cauysing grief and fruther entrenching enemies in their position kicking the wasp nest as it were calling for vengence justice. hell begets hell.

 

Is the so called rational mind, can rationalize n justify anything and capable of inhuman, so u see its not the part that completely makes us human. also high IQ fooled cuz can rationalize anything with intricate crafted arguments. vswhat makes us hmn

 

A form of learned programed sociopathy. taken to extreme greatest vilains egomaniac megalomaniac quest for power always ungry never enough dar ecstacy. this is what unchecked ego does. cult charismatic leaders charm embroiled in scandal cuz above the law or reg men dellusion.

 

Poisonous pedagogy. fb write up. solution teach cooperation empathy group dynamics sharing non compet env.

 

(quantum mechanics flies in the face of sensible Newtonian laws, that which seems 'common sense' to the mind. The reality of our world is much more subtle intricate deep and interesting, and spiritual. The true nature of things is infinite probabilities combined with the underlying potential energy transforming one state to another in an ongoing symphony of change. probability spontaneous change, impossibles jump one shell to other etc. this has caused disruption in classical vierw forcing scierntists to use new words n concepots like spirit philo addrsssing conscuipousness as search for unity and explanation and what they discover is what prophets and spieritual sages which they ostracised have been saying all along. and its bolstered by the fact that everyone else is doing the same learn by example, wehat taught soc values n entrainment and all around us that is what people do. our soc worships science which prays to the altar of rational ego intellect, at the ill of all else, animal environment etc.

 

Ego tool, nor ident gets in way, coming from ego which voice, low freq n stomacj or heart wellness is real, in now, stillness moon, grateful thnk el humble anti ego. Chakras. acknowledge n proud. may not be ur path. dont take anything personal. email old n new attachments.

 

Response to this is bring it down, said in calm soft voice as hands motioned slow downweards motion towards stomach. Bring you energy down. You need to be settled. agitated. It is not the familiar anxiety producing mind that will come up with the solutions. It is only subconscious/higher power working it out then using intelloect as messenger mouthpiece when get aha moment solution found. sometimes in working from settled space you continue to flow and solution is find prob doesn't need attention, it works itself out by you easily and naturaly as it arises during flow state, it works itself out without you. Being in the flow allows serendipity and synchronicity to do much of the work. We take on too many problems. Maybe even addicted to drama or through duty think we need to take on other people's drama even. Duck out of bottle story (see emails at the time). Don't inhibit the flow to life and other larger systems and ways of wisdom with agitated static energy keep in mind makes shoulders tighten up n headaches and worry lines on forehead and headaches all signs. Need to trust and take leap of faith (ongen gracised?)

 

Energy expend over think each lkight bulb, exhausting. its a tool not entirity of you. stay at heart level (to spirit white bypass mind), acceptance, see with spiritual eye trust gratitude now is the time, what age voice speakng from. trauma workshop. in cells water flea n ancestral memory passed down n raised ptsd from both parents, hgh, meaning success wanting what have not having what want. Now it is time to let that tool go. And it is that, only a tool, NOT your identity and not who you are. It is no longer necessary. When you cross the river in a boat, don't continue to carry the boat on your shoulder on the other side of the river! It won't be easy, it is an ingrained pattern in you which you have carried your whole life. Now this pattern is making you sick. It is too much for too long of this medicine. You may see what you have to do, but it is a day to day challenge as the map is not the terrain! Be on guard. Be vigilant. Endeavor. It is safe for you to now let it go. Close your eyes, take a moment and do so now.

 

Ego intellect lightbulb exhausting gurad identity will try to remain. How exhausting by end of day millions of thoughts. Wouldn't it be a relief to give that up? Accept life as it is. Accept yourself now as you are. Be proud of who you are.You are excellent and perfect right now. succeed, now enjoy as good as gonna get, pressure self imposed. destiny where are supposed to be. self esteem. acknowledge. right now good enuf. joy mn pleasure nat momment, not emotions ego. tolle synopsis. Is process of letting go to reaveal beauty latent already thete covered n remembering like child n that which ultimately know n have felt all along. Now is your HARD EARNED and WELL DESERVED time to be well to live to enjoy to be free to be praised, to be appreciated and to love! Allow others to do this, for that is all I want. Now is the time. You have succeeded, you have arrived. Take a load off. Enjoy! Relax! We love you Camille!

 

recognize the beautiful angel that is waiting to break free...that can be present if you stay in the heart level, get out of your mind, break out of your ego. avoid cynics When we look behind at these words, this behaviour, we see the scowling face like the awful LA guy in Corsica, and we see the reptile/angry demon... not the loving amazing wonderful Camille that we all adore and is your true beautiful amazing nature...for you trully are 'Camille the Great'. Have you ever considered that you don't need to do anything to fulfill your purpose? Just being present with your energy signature and as observer is enough and a great contribution and effector on the world (see quantum, dont have to accoplish anything), in fact less is more.

 

think of all elements to self and psyche as diff people at your party. body takes care of music food and libations. soul n spirit is cause of party. ego plans it, but is outside contractor dont want it to actuyally attend. if even that, cuz best partiers are just spontaneous with friends dont need planning money etc to have fun. fun analogy for wellbeing. its the worrier and nag causes anxiety, to which kid says, just let me be! kid knows just being without analysis and judgment is all they need at that point for wellbeing, the rest will take care of itself. if love something (urself) let it free. more grasp and try to control more strangle it and stiffle flow of life and prana healing energy from circulating through sys req for spirit intunement and dev.

 

E) ego ident idea light bulb goes off with idea and say 'this is my idea'...whose energy for bulb was it? was it your own? not really you didnt make the light bulb. so ego identity is foolish and attempts to elevate us as Gd status in our minds, and authorities as Gds, yet the bulb is not of our fashioning, and we rarely bother to look at the source for the powering energy that lights it. how foolish. yes it takes our willpower but who gave us that faculty, ultimately it is an extension of the creator. are we ourselves?

 

Examining our dreams and goals entrenched in ego preventing wellness/happiness/integration with reality/things as they are/flow/gratitude

 

Andoing so much. and vib nrg as u affects others even thru gravity effect distant planets. want to give off aggravated static stressed vibe? no want to share your best, found in your still essence as you are right now.xiety seeing current state from ego centric mind, where are should have accomplished, should be (disconnect). this is not trusting in destiny, things as they are and excellence of the now the moment. Often we then think of the future how to make it in line with how we think it should be and make long laundry list overwhelming in fact impossible causes anxiety. in truth at any given monmment we want to do a million things. pick one at a time and value contentedness. its a practice and contentness is a muscle grown weak, more flex stronger it gets, neuropeptides and slef hears own voice. has to do with self esteem. you are great right now. even as observer alone

 

O) To affect the world, success americazn dream, whose dream. quantum butterfly effects of thiose mastered themselves reverberate naturally more powerfully than anything else, things in world temp, your soul is eternal which do you think is more important. The spiritual landscape is trillion quadrilliuon times more vast and impo than what we perceive in limited way as real. jealousy is the fun you imagibe others having. the celebrities etc. are not happy. they are only as good as their latest book film or record and have to live a facade and a name forever under scrutiny and pearls put before collective swine will trample on perarls then them at the turn of of a dime, not lasting. the real heroes not the media darlings but the monks, the wise.

 

P) who are history's greats alexander, literary greats? who are we aspiring to be anyways, that which has been driven by our ego and notions of success. Shouldn't we aspire to find and be ourselves? Be yourself, everyone else is taken. Most importantly, were they happy (lennon, ghandi, einstein, marilyn monroe, hemmingway) my experience past lives. goal is break cycle reincarnation and help others (buddah story, otherwise exp same again. is wonderful am nature sprt animst and mom taught us to lv this and dad fam clung to life to hv this, and appreciate, but still), how many times.). this may be your path. anxiety may be from disconnect from this part of you, computer mind cant stand alone process n understand whats going on. people can rationalize bad things only heart golden rule can judge morality ethics higher order, yearn. process sense info with comp mind feel sory for first ai robots, but we have toolset unutilized, used to know see pyramids impossible etc. the light put sages same room. gain this power and connection and can have the erest with it too, by then not interested, powers buddah gains. but cant have one then the others. . remember dream state when in between had direct connection largely unlimited potential energy/creative/dreamland/spiritual power one w source, return to source. dunno why rat mind cant understand, gut and heart understand better, unity chakras and transcend understand better. magic with kata, in karate, what ive seen, proofs uri gellar experienced. kundalini. so ut wordly concerns aside. the spiritual and the anonymopus. koyanaskasi out of and with balance in micro and macro is projection. look state world can have resources all, but mind of greed and base elements by default see red chakra and state reptile world we live in, niorse voiking vs island. gnostic gospels told truth but constantine and nicea burned, twisted used as control tool. dont put much cred in wordly ways, sick dream. why aliens interested unlimited potential, crustal receiver, and hologram contains all fuzzy, clkear it up polish miror reflect moon, not as self ego, anonymous let go attachments esp ident and ego, have to anyways when return stream. let go not us to hold, lives not own in a way. and in eden until serpent gave us knowledge, secvret soc worship knowledge serpent as savior and rebel not true great deceiver, and state of world. say but medecine n tech helped, really, witches used to know ways, and also sex at dawn prehist happy. interested in our art n music n dancing mib not understand jokes.

 

If not ego who are we, what is our true nature and what should we do? (should weighty word. 3 words dont use 'bored' 'impossible' and 'should'.

 

A more accurate picture is to say that we are emotional not rational ego beings. emot always win debate, and given choice inside emot charge wins. cut thru red tape appeal emot thast only one can help, opp approach vibe diff, and human nature owe to irs show up one quarter cash ask take will.

 

This is not alone. We must also learn that none of emotion real, only wellbeing. anything else is added layer symptom of ego preventing you from being in now.

 

We are a system (3/glands chakras/kabalah tree) super complex (subconsc, ego, superego) kahuna 3. wellbeing is when all within sys is in balance. akn another word for homeostasis. it needs to be in harmony with larger outside sys env macrocosm (I/O), if outside disrupts causes static in electric field. So spirit is process of peeling away, of letting go, of clearing outside signature energy to reattune and allow flower forth internal. see more 1 day ancestors say in life. also used to walk 20 miles a day. air food water clear no synthetic chems, even sky brighter. havent had time to evolve to cope phys. and all new devices sensory inputs. what it means to be human, what our sys 'meant to' work with nat must discover, get back in tune, dont allow disruptions. all extra layers add up and disrupt. return to baseline, homeo. then the chi can well up for higher functions, otherwise diff subsys pulling in diff directions lack unity. be on guard for this. simplify. do more with less. less is more. allows space to appreciate more, and focus get more accomplished coming from aligned true self superior product result. everyone clamboring for attention what they produced often with big teams and budgets cant compete level of superdistraction uneard of, yet not addressing the core individual meaning human condition, can shed light on, but only you can and must in solitude stillness introspection discover it by and for yourself. so our thoughts lightbulb too much exhausted and everyones elses vibes and media products mega lightbulb energy but at diff freq distracting from ur energy sig (which can chjange and evolve) find and appreciate those media witrh similar sig say 'they get it' and affect it, yet not quite the same or replacement of ours. also helps to break us out of our shell and comfort zone, but too much of it and loose sight of own light bulb light in face of the blaring of others n media lights spotlights neon signs lasers etc. If poem can keep ur own self...that is the challenge. by this point have consumed so much media and others light, time overdue focus and foster own, find and stoke that fire. much has to do with disconnect from that inside. and outside ultimately, like good art in communicating to and helping you find that fire inside. but most media created by other confused people in same boat as us not evolved or mastery so keeps us at same level or worse confuses and inhibits us. morpho field, are pack animals group hive mind is low on dev scale (look at all probs), scr telling us were fat self esteem etc. if t1000 not self directed listened to other bot input not know what its mission is forget it and be random aimless wandering bot.

 

L) Soul spirit, one reason why like 12 steps, coda fellowship reinforcement not alone in this task but also has forced me to look at and find and trust in n feel connwction to higher power n Gd, angel links. May be sub to superconscious as seen in kahuna or kaballah. trust in higher order ken wilbur. connection with Creator is not something for later, but can and should be done right now. It's as easy as being grateful and opening your mind. This changes everything. Knowing that everything RIGHT NOW is as it should be changes everything, that everything leading up to now was meant to be, that everything is perfect.

 

N) Much in zen n yoga traditions. Also in accepting trust on things meant to be as are yin and yang righy and challenged adversity to hrow meant to be and destony so can relax. Also coda dreams of world conquest n reinforcemtnt outside not necess greatest tak is inside n conquer self. As uncover much comes up surpressed as in fighting survival world conquest mode therapy helpfull, nut will find whatv have or lack is to ir advantage rich is wantingw what have, n sez so w xhemistry in mate, kRma reinvarnation clampers dream as said all thin wasbimpo, get out if fantasy duture past yripping anxiety regret on now and lao tsu n meditatoon addendum, read books mediate find what speaks to u when student ready mastet appears. Avoid thosr asking

 

R) To remeber dream you must do so quietly by yourself as waking up. The momment you speak they become difficult to remember. vs unlimited(novtalkvdiffv realm even words notv enough to adequately desribe the dreams or significant experiences, can't explain the color red with words at all(vlatvmvostimvpoevpivntel(tvenuvf, when learn diff language and those speak diff think diff and experience world diff, so see words are not truisms abstracts. And elephant  (vdviv(lvanvuagve(divf(exp((whvat sayvvlindmenelephanbt(wholivsti((sve what see.

 

T) vs great art timeless and (nearly) universal bc speaks from and to great truths n emotions right hemisph good art either non ego intellect or addresses it in wholistic way where 2 hemispheres gap bridge addressed and unified. speaks volumes better rep

 

U) from book i am right, add story sensei with umbrella.

 

THE CAUSE OF SUFFERING

The Buddah said all suffering comes from two things: desire and ignorance. We all struggle with this and it can manifest in many different ways. As you can see both are rooted in the ego. The ego wants (desire) and the ego identity is deluded and proud in thinking it's right (ignorance).

 

Desire may come in the desire/want/need to control (often a desire to control that which, ultimately, can not be controlled anyways). It may come in the form of desiring recognition, wordly success, romantic desire anytrhing that makes you feel like you are missing out, that your life is lacking or inadequate, or that you could be happy "in the future when this or that happens". This is suffering. Desire may come in the form of wanting the fundamental aspects of life to be different...causing the fish to swim against the direction of the tidal wave of Life (it suffers and needlessly struggles as it fails). So, accept and 'go with the flow'. Trust.

 

The Reptilian part of our brain is the oldest part, and arguably the strongest. It is responsible for: Sex; Territory; Food; Survival; Fear; Anger; Violence; Dominance; Power and control of all of these factors.

 

When operating out of the Reptilian mind, we are occupying the lowest, Red Chakra energy (located around our sex organs). At that level we are no better than mere animals. Herd and 'Mob mentality' (as in Army/war/football game parking lot fights/soccer riots/riot mobs) operate out of red chakra energy. It is the easiest state to occupy, and is our default state as an animal.  In this state we are in fact worse than animals, for animals do not throw the entirety of the natural environment out of balance.

 

It is our duty to reach our potential of being human to raise our energy/awareness/consciousness up the chakra levels...up to green/heart (located at the heart), higher to blue/communication (in the throat...blue is true/honest/sincere communication, unencumbered, unsullied untainted but instead a direct/open/healing flow), higher yet to purple esp/psychic/connectedness/wisdom (between the eyes, the "third eye")  and to white/Unity and Divinity (out the top of the head, the crown chakra).

 

Your Spirit and Soul rests in the green heart Chakra and higher. The green heart Chakra is a gift, the breath of Life from God, passed down by your mother, and her mother and so on. It is an energy field that moves in a circle laterally counter clockwise. When you are feeling it you get tingles, feel wellness, relaxed, joy, peace, wonder, gratefulness and contentment. The field emanates from your hands as healing heat and light. It is the essence of being human. This is your natural resting state as a human. It isn't hard. This is the You who I am in Love with. Be careful with it! Karate teaches us that the same energy that can heal is the same that can kill. It is used for righteous loving means as healing or righteous anger to kill.

 

When you are mired in codependency you are living out of the Reptilian mind/Red (lowest) Chakra. You DESIRE (and attempt) control. Desire is the first cause of suffering. The Reptilian mind IS aggression, and is incapable of experiencing love, care and compassion. Love, care and compassion are reserved for the higher chakras, the higher states. The reptilian mind/red chakra energy level is the default, that which entropy continually drags us down to. It is for this reason we must be warriors for peace...always on guard and vigilant. You remain on guard by hearing your voice in your mind or in your speech as it arises and recognizing WHICH voice you are speaking from...is it an ego driven or immature voice? If so, stop speaking and  reevaluate. What age is the voice speaking from...is it that of a fearful child? Learn to recognize and avoid 'triggers' in your life that cause you anxiety...outsmart it and be wiser than it. Use therapy to find/understand/acknowledge/work through and let go of the point of origin of the pattern... uncover the childhood traumas that are the source, and the later traumas and experiences that reinforced it. When you identify it, you can name it and have power over it.

 

You have successfully used the reptilian mind and red chakra survival 'outsmarting' logic means for so long to survive this harsh reptile world to make means and take care of others that it has grown strong. Because of the success you have gained by effectively and efficiently using the reptile mind over the years it makes it harder for you to see it, to see it as other than you, the real you,and to let it go. It has become a safe place, if not the ONLY safe and wise place for you to occupy and act out of in light of the harsh challenges you have faced...for you and your family's survival no less! I have great respect and compassion for you and where you have come from including the obstacles you have faced down and overcome (I know it has been a constant struggle). I acknowledge this and honor you. Yes, it has served you well. So well that it has become a part of your identity. But now you must let it go. Success is not measured by where we are but what we have overcome. There are greater things and ways of being waiting for you. You must let this tool/pattern/though process/behaviour/energy go. For Peace you must let it go.

 

Place the bar for yourself at operating from the heart level or higher. Anything less is not human. I will not be coupled with an unhuman. The lower two chakras are merely physical vehicles. Eliminate the Ego, Eliminate Desire, Eliminate Ignorance, have compassion...this is the path of Peace. If you stray from the heart and the path, the pit of (red chakra) hell opens up. Is the bar too high? Maybe, but it is the same bar for all of (would be) humans.

 

In this case, your Denial=Ignorance. Ignorance=Denial. It is the second cause of suffering. SUFFERING for you AND those around you. This suffering prevents you from being well, growing, evolving, being in the true compassionate heart energy chakra (and higher) and being TRULY Loving. This ignorance/denial based suffering  prevents peace for us, our family, etc. Ultimately the need and desire to change and 'help', to control your environment under the GUISE of (simply) 'helping' in your case (though counter-intuitive and hard to see) IS self centered. Like all addictive actions it is selfish and damaging. Now is the time to let go. I see it for what it TRULY is...can or WILL you!? Like all SELFISH, self centered patterns/behaviours it is in it's nature hurtful....surely not the 'Loving' or 'Help' you intend!

 

You have succeeded in the aim of caring for everyone, and WE ARE GRATEFUL! I have much respect for you, I admire what you have done, and have much empathy and compassion for you and what you have been through and all the (sometimes thankless) efforts you have endured...the endless battles and wars you have fought.

 

At this point, what needs to be done is the opposite of what came before. Baffling, I know. I have empathy for you and your process. We Love you. Right now the vine needs room...if it is strangled it will perish.  You can not grow a seed under a heavy rock of attachments/judgment/expectations/evaluation on top of it! That seed must be handled and placed in the right conditions of calm unturbulent soil etc., and it cannot be subjected to harshness. You have already fertilized the seed and you have done a great job. Sit back and allow nature to take it's wise course. Allow things to be Add more/too much/unnecessary/damaging level of fertilizer (your attention/control) and it will kill it. That is, if you 'help' it too much (with more fertilizer) it will kill it. If you love something or someone, when it is ready (AND WE ARE), set it free. If it loves you it will return or maybe just lay gently by your side as a friend/family/ally. If you break your shackles and set me free I WILL NOT LEAVE YOUR SIDE.

 

Suffering ALSO stemming from fear/anxiety in which arises a DESIRE to control. Ignorance and desire. The two causes of suffering.

 

What is required is eternal vigilance lest entropy drag you down. Like an addict, you will always be an addict. Don't take that first drink. It leads to destruction and despair.  Gird your loins and prepare for the battle for peace. The battle of our lives. Be serious in your endeavor as your (spiritual/emotional) life is literally on the line. Be as the underwater man desperate and gasping for air, for that is what we are.

 

things like praise bolster n feed the ego anyways which is so strong causing imbalance that at this pooint is the enemy.

 

down to your very cells hear what you say and feel what u do. excecise relaxation feet up thank them and feel imagine all cells as happy work way up. water experiments and kirlian photos attach also with addendum subtle body energy field astral body when dream collect unity expansive remote view nde, our true nature, how acupuncture chart known now meridians confirmed. monk can heat up and walk on rice paper. mysteries witnessed in tibet. ueshiba sensie disappear from frames. kabalistic stories awesome. Osensei. (spirit inhabit see vid still) etc. angelic realm right by our side if only ability to perceive and see. see what you see. corner of eye unfiltered, how miostly seen. also felt. El and i have seen, and ghost stories. etc.

 

soc stryfe fear manu and soc engineered gehettoes keep at lower realm. rap music what about. prison money on education instead. wars unecc ppl no want secret soc in control. world rulled by rex mundi vs gnosis, deliver from like buddah reinc. so its broken and not realm to be in. may have been sent as teacher healer. no not concern self with recog of n in this world from other sick ppl not mean much. buddah not care what car drive. etc.

 

under propaganda. impo being humble. think u know is worse than straight ignorance, like with those know a little and comp probs. also many lies presented tactic kernel of truth in it so all accepted. just as disinfo marginalize those with truth by adding false so all thrown out. my hero de montaiogn que saiji es. these are just words, symbols. to be spoon that tastes must internalize discover for urself from within urselve, delve deep, do the work. like a science cause n effect, and promises of recovery list, and signs. these are just words symbols, not the actual thing like cessi nes pas une pipe. hence you see ego intellect enmeshed in symbolic thinking doesnt grasp truth in front of it as it is. varieties of religious exp james is direct experience gnosis unfiltered by three filters. at high up real deal remains humble, even dalai lama sez when asked if plants have consc smiles and sez i dont know.

 

or soc ego sez success is be rich, yet harder rich go thru heaven than camel thru eye needle (ego, no adverity dev, or greedy n sins or too much drama or fix attention wrong things. better give up babylon rich than lose soul

 

stable first necessary step one, then step 2.

 

commited lukewarm and energy gather thru purity clean, underground cleans, demon analogy who left. same person kid all cells changed whose there.

 

may seem foreign landscape is change, habits easier. change is the constant in this u. time not straight line thats our percepotion, life is a river. dont identify with old habvits ways is boat leave at edge of river not carry with u.

 

cup like row of seats have reserved and occupied not allowing room for angels. story of student calligrapher i know enuf. passover three types children, dont be taht.

 

practice awarness. develops natural bon sense. Being connected to world intuitively. having sense and crossing street

 

AVOIDING STRYFE: COMMUNICATION SKILLS

Regarding your relationship and communication, ask that Bruce engage in recovery as well. This will unify you as a team leading in the same direction, and put you on the same page as you learn the same terminology. breaking up is off the table commit and take that off the table knowoing you will work it out. spend alone time to cool off if necessary and find yourself first. talk about stuff only when both parties ready and have hand sign to stop until later when ready. focus on issues and how u feel not pointing to others, or taking inventory, easy to see what others hard to do w self. lead by example. keep your word so say less. remember all is vibratrion freq, so keep freq in stillness reflect moon when waters calm, static is communicated shared reinforced cycled, law of attraction. remember valyue of ur time so not caught up in little tasks, farm themout. in long run its money saving. not stingy with money as its spread it returns, best biz knows this premium on excellence, detail and advertising out with money. eventually as heal will give much of yourself not for return but does anyweays, tzedaka.

 

wants vs needs. boundaries. communication agreement.

 

FURTHER RECOMMENDATIONS AND RESOURCES

Hold dear cling to hold true demand of yourself and others compassion, empathy and respect. also the 9 noble virtues chart. Know gague and enforce your boundaries. Set them not far at first. empathy and see beyond yourself to how others feel, AND act with a kind light touch. We all need compassion not judgement. It is better to stay neutral than to be critical.

 

Do not be the spoon that holds the food (the work/knowledge) without tasting it (REAL change is the flavor). Let your defenses down. Change. Do EVERYTHING different. If it feels the same, it's not change. Let go,of your Ego, your foolish stubborn pride preventing you from seeing and acknowledging what you are doing and who you are hurting. Others can tell you  but it does nothing until YOU do it!

 

Miyamoto Musashi says "Accept things as they are". We are better than this. I have seen it before. We both have. That is why we are together. We can do this. Lets find our love, love ourselves again. It is a process of peeling away dirt to reveal the fruit underneath. It is a  process of abstaining. You don't have to DO anything. Naturally, (as long as we stay human) we are well. Often it is what you DON'T do right now that matters.

 

Chikung master said bring it down, settle. the energy from activating circling the brain causing confusion unrest nervouses neurosis anxiety and conflicting ideas int. conflict, mind prattle. Otherwise it blocks flow of Universe and experience, is counter to it like lawyer, causes trouble and get bad notions and iseads in head if acted on causing karma. relax, breath. air is prana, one of 4 ways get it most impo. bad air in citry combined with negative orgone.

 

Hear your internal voice as it arises, recognize it and stop it. Just be and all will work out. Think abundance not scare-city. The Universe wants us to be happy. Just allow it to make us happy. Be the smiling curious happy child. Stay at the heart level. Keep it there. There is no need to worry or stray. Everything is well. Garner strength from this feeling. Remind yourself of this and your strength. You are a Beautiful, Loving, Kind, Creative, Fantastic, Sexy, Cute, Funny, Brilliant, Caring Wonderful Woman Goddess!

 

Love and accept me (others/Life/Everything)...as I am and as it is RIGHT NOW...as it is! I'm doing the best I can. We're running out of days in Life. THIS IS IT! This is reality/Life. Right now, as it is! Accept it (peace) or control/fight it (misery). We can be miserable or happy...RIGHT NOW. This is the only chance/moment we have. We are running out of time This is is the best I can be, and the best I am. Right now, this is it. stop adding extra frivolous unhelping layers to everyday life. Just let go...Be...and repeat. self esteem.

 

just bec u have an idea doesnt mean that you have to pursue it, especially if it is grandiose involved and complicated. It's ok for now to let the world take care of itself. You dont need to prove anything to anyone. don't put the added self pressure that you should or need to act on it. Remember goal is to relieve pressure, not create new projects to add to it. If anticipate something will take 10 minutes, schedule 2 hours.

 

Take up art creative writw photography keep journal n deam journal het in tune balance hemispheres. Do not be concerned with product or outcome, the practice is the aim. Also remember "anything worth doing is worth doing poorly" (at least that gets you to begin and refine later ;) ).

 

Avoid intrigue and curiosity not directly realted to the work for now. There is plenty right before and within you to work on here and now. Stay light, engage in humor and laughter, practice smiling and laughing in the miror and as you walk around. You can force yourself at first, but then like an engine started it runs itself. Hang pictures around your house of you when you are happiest and healthiest to draw energy from and as reminders of who you trully are.

 

Keep your environment tidy and clean. The Feng Shui of this will help. When cleaning or doing chores take your time and do things slowly. For such things you have all the time in the world. Do not rush things as this will keep you out of the riches of the now. Play uplifiting or relaxing music as you tidy. Avoid multitasking. Do one task until it is complete. Multitasking has been shown to not work and to cause anxiety (you are not grounded). In short do anything to not feel overwhelmed. Be greedy with time for yourself as needed. In time you will have more time for others.

 

To not overwhelm, don't overschedule. Follow the 'less is more' philosophy (the best stage and screen actors are subtle and do not 'overact'). Plan very little unless it is directly related to recovery. Give little to no time for that which is not important. , born w 2 wolves yin yang sticvk cut, paths grow oin themselves one direction or other, self esteem perfect as you are right now, not measured by outside or success, most successful least happy. buddah doesnt care, wordly things n recognition fleeting and not impo its soul learning dev and in touch with that matters and carries over one lifetime to next. Who happiest, communuty countries. Us modt success but most dangerous neighbirs no trust, fear msnu factured tavistok. Also is monks happiest

 

slow down behind the wheel, don't rush which causes stress build up (like band what write), mindfulness, pay attention to detail, by slowing dowen you are not forgetful have time to scan the house and see what going about to forget stoping trouble before it happens. when have problem or difficult task relax and step away from it for a moment to relax, shake it off like dog does after stress shake gets rid of lactic acid build up in muscles tense with adrenaline from ff response, and recharge, allow the subconscious to work on it until have that a-ha moment in the shower, ego blocks it. Letting go allows the higher power trhat is in tune with the larger interests contracts agreements working out connection with othewr souls psychic life web internet  coimmunication realms to manifest and speak here. kaballah has a lot to do with this, we are of several bodies. kahuna also. Also in momentary surrender , weakness is strength. letting go weakness allows speed and efficiency. niothing is as it seems or is taught. thoise teaching it do not know (those that cant do teach) and teaching based on christian influenced history lies surpressed real knowledge. those who know do not speak, as it's tied into the ego intellect pride etc. to say you know is absurd as it is not for us to know. let goi and be humble is strong, weak is strength.

 

Consider taking the trauma workshop led by  Tim Stein this summer with me. Your codependency may arise from trauma and anxiety issues that you still feel and experience...that you then take out unadmitedly and unknowingly on those around you. Examine this deeply. Be the victor over this. I have seen time and again the victor and the strength in you. I know you are capable! This is a lifelong pattern, so it will be difficult to change. What the mind can conceive, the body will achieve.

 

Eventually. try lumosityt. increase and maintain brain placisity and new connections with taking yup foreign hobbies like guitar, get out of comfort zone and challenge yourself, say yes to things in life and see where it leads. being soicial also helps.

 

include courage .jpg. also courage wolf.

 

be like ferris beuler without care flows works it out doesnt worry. vs. cameron hypochondriac convinces self is sick attitude keeps him locked into self fulfilling prophecy of misery.

 

3 c's didn't cause, cant change cant control. let go and serenity prayer.

 

have faith like job. have faith, evidence of that which is not yet seen.

 

everyone born with a star jewel that gets covered. be as the clay allow the master to shape u. children born capacity and potential all sounds make only then drops some.

 

Do not concern yourself with people other than your family. We all come from different realms and paths meeting here like a train station. They have their own paths to folloow and you need nopt concern yourself with others. spiritual realm among ppl full of charletons. asking for money dvd avoid. not humble same. best to dev rely on self n ask help inside.

 

Bc of free will angels higher power n Gd help when asked for help. Also listen to them n intuition makes conne tion stronger n vice versa

 

if the grass is greener, water your lawn.

 

(homeostasis water slooshing side to side knowcked bucket gravity universal force eventually centers it. it is still but still alive as atoims are dancing. gravity affects all things instantly is invisible creates network one effects the other. This is one of the things I like to focus on and sense as part of my toolkit of feeling in tune). Keep a pocket of 'go to' handy spiritual thoughts that invoike welness feelings. When confused recal these truisms. when have difficuylt thoughts can also

 

in general is enemy of art, artist life. with balance not overwhelm. specific realistic goals builds on self encouragement self esteem. steer ship, even off a few degrees not get. aim high a+ to get b, fly straight. If stand for nothing lie down for everything. To be treated as a mat have to lie down first.

 

CONCLUSION

here needle in ocean likely, is chance embrace here n now

 

This is no less than the hero's journey. heros journey to hell and back and through same person and changed person have returned to found core spirit strength and thru changed directed attitude 2nd wind same and renewed focus and will ushed thru seemingly impossible barier yet tools of discernment cleverness coyote humor williey turned it around alchemy tform to break through and elevate self n help others to higher realm state, wilbur etc.

 

people would rather pay for sdeminar on how to go to heaven than go to heaven. woman searching for needle outside, why not where dropped it, cuz its dark in there. so need courage, that is human nature. it is also our nature to get wrapped uyp in world like childfren playing with toys in burning house and Buddah there calling to them to drop the toys and come out to save themselves. the world will always provide distractions and causes for attachments, poisons, inflations of ego and offer temptations which once attained are fleeting and unfdulfilling and like hungry ghosts continue to pursue. all that glitters not gold, go for the real gold inside you. If you read 1 book a week for life get 3000 books. choose them wisely.

 

the world is testament to the diruptive power of ego to the point of self impoo causing greed above empathy lack resource dist etc. and more bling is bolstered as greatness so crazy, you dont want to be a part of that. The best way to help the world is this work. 1 person of peace counteracts 100,000 others

 

How break out grips of ego, realize matter and energy can neither be created nor destroyed. essence soul imutable. mortality illusion. know then that you are eternal yet live today even this hour this second this milisecond as if it were your last. samurai philo, how breakthrus made, cause put in focus all that is impo, leave rest aside and great psychic directed and loving enbergy wells up allowing breakthru, as enlightenment conception or anything good can only happen in this momnent. it is a battle, and conception is first occurance of kung fu. in womb happy harmonized yin then leave disrupt yang then must return to the source cant go to womb so yearn for super source the source stream of that womb and those before it's itself, deity wants us and extension to return, like prodigal son, but we have to do it, of our own will and volition embrace Gd. If want Gd as much as underwater man wants air you will find Him or Her.

 

I know this is a lot of information and all of this takes work but take heart in knowing that in doing these things either 'by the letter' or 'by the spirit' I guarantee you will be excellent. You will find clarity (signs of recover, that which used to baffle etc.). With the work of these 'new' activities, as well as abstinence from unhealthy habits, clarity arises. Clarity you will find gold. is the most important thing. Focus on your wellness of mind body and soul. See a psychologist or codependency group to discover the truth about codependency.

 

Be humble. If best thinking got you here. let go of old patterns n ways. if it feels familiar its not the work. glass full. Right now as good as it gets. intrigue, greed, curiosity, desires. You MUST be humble...get out of ego and denial. The first step (admitting deficiencies and being humble) is the hardest. In regards to 'being humble', I found that the greatest obstacle in improving myself was not acknowledging the larger causes of my situation...this is referred to as denial. I saw that I was engaged in unhealthy patterns and behaviors, but I thought that these actions were 'my right' or were normal and allowable for someone who was 'liberated' of a free mind, etc. Also, acting on these impulses made me feel good in the short run, as a diversion from my bad feelings...so I resisted acknowledging the problems. My ego prevented me from seeing how my actions adversely affected myself and others in the long term from finding wellness. Over time and with much work I have found happiness...by staying in the moment, and uncovering what has been there all along...but first I needed clarity...that is why I had to stop drinking and smoking pot ;)

 

the power is within you. the baloon. have all tools need. said that only challenges can overcome are put your way. what gnostic gospels say and all ancient wisdom traditions say vs xian perversion of born orig sin have hole need system. Be your own messiah, no one can do it for you. A good teacher shows you the way for you to do it yourself as well as leads by example. Surround yourself by people that inspire you. Nothing wrong in askng for help. The american cowboy ideal and all independent heroes rugged individualism is a quest for loneliness. we are pack animals and social impo. We should celebrate interdependence day not independence day. All things are intererlated and interdependent.

 

freedom, enlightenment, self actualization, seeing things as they are, peace, wellbeing, stability, joy, effecting positive effective lasting change from a healthy effective stable place as well from clean spring as truth can't be defeated, example to others. freud ability to love and to work. Daddy independent productive and professional. Intuitive promises and signs of recovery. Help others charity heal world tzedaka a force for kaballah sefirot balance and order of higher order. discernment, intuition, beauty, return to Eden, bringing heaven here on earth. Hope for others and wisom.

 

This has been my path, it may not be yours. However, I am able to forward wisdom teachings I have come across, which I will do shortly. Thanks :)

 

----------------

ADDENDUM A

I have written up and have begun to practice a long list of healing modalities.  The modalities I am currently engaged in including Meditation (learning how and the practice of). Swimming. Soaking sun and vitamin D. Laughing more. Biking. Enjoying the moment. Karate. Staying in the heart and being grateful. Looking into supplements. Taking a lower dose of medicine or adding stimulant meds. Repairing my relationship with C. Naps. Being engaged in interesting research. Loving you (or attempting to!). And repairing my brain with: Audio therapy and binaural beats; a promising book on the subject that I'm trying to acquire; using the tools on lumosity.com). I have 4 pages (single typed) of additional possible healing modalities I am interested in which I can share upon request.

 

ADDENDUM my spiritual philosophy

 

ADDENDUM scr and society. nature of knowledge, types of knowledge, secret societies politics whose in control

 

ADDENDUM PHYSICAL

 

mattress, I take care of backache rolling and relaxing on a yoga roll daily, takes 3 minutes. Also swimming is helpful if you have a local ymca. Limiting chemical exposure, organic produce, drinking fluoride free water (only certain brands don't have fluoride such as Arrowhead, Calistoga and Black Mountain). Over time fluoride in water calcifies the pineal gland that regulates seretonin and melanin, essential for mood, wellness and sleep. binaural beats, how to meditate pdf, get out of mind, little zen book, eckart tolle emotions negative. out of head into body.

 

Addendum philo all alive look at nature come diff places fractal, here to experiwnce as solid agreed to was feee will and now ignore others eventualy own u and dream ppl give life. Wonderful defn see magic in alchemy before you 1 plus 1 is three see spiritual eye ability to sit n listen. Observatoon alone huge benefit to all some say obly u with consc contunue waveform quantum, eventually larger freer supwr onsc access as freedom seen in dreams this creative force true nature, kept down by sociert programing desire competioron scarcity unecc and manufactueed evebt beeak out of karmic cycles see buddhiam ypga marathon runners magic real wtc.

 

chakras reptile mind control write up. walkabout spiritual journey common ground explore take chanxces. relaxation excercise, commune merge with nature and sounds. hypnosis.

 

dream so much happens slow brainwave, like samurai attention in between cycle. also access hyperdimension astral spiritual plane not bound by 3d 4d. we are spiritual beings happens every night only when wake up come to western sciuentific mind. dreamland unlimited n creative and can remote view. lucid dream then astral travel and can learn to do so in waking time. sherifs use all the time not report fear of risiculoe. stanford research serious shows uri gellar and remote view. serious folks. fear of ridiucle environment spirit and potential put down n denied not healthy and ultumnately not who we are or to fix things attune harmonize with will and peace, reach potential once had forgotten surpressed replaced by conditioning and worship of science left brain what said to thor, those higher up in control have the rituals and knbow this power, dont share, surpressed and keep us under control,. like mac ad break free, as want hero to do in 1984, great evil before us it is mindset and culture breeds it with false ways evaluate recognize reality truth,live accordingly with peace and wisdom it is us and up to each and every one of us to break limitations, caterpillar to freedom fly butterfly, and see ken wilber always diurected forwrads, while if npot activate entropy pulls us against it. society scr what value and what is commonly accepted as real. limitations of roit examination. yet if follow yoga principles at put forth like science or martiual arts gets results, and see western now accepting and acupuncture once unheard of in western medical practice accepted with insurance. called wholistic bc unlike society mindset whole is greater than parts, science only examines parts and misses forest for trees as knows more and more about less and less.

 

my philo of make contract, allow emotion n feel, had free will then but now it's largely destiny.  when in tune more synchronicities

 

Once start into it there is so much. Supplements b-6 myocobalamine, anthraxine, phytoplankton, hawaii sulfure, calcium liquid, iron, omega, co-q10. Suntheanine. foot reflexology, massage, showers but without chlorine as vapors inhale, recommend leaving door cracked.

 

adrenal burnout, n herbs

 

also medicine over time prob. zoloft fluoride? n liver affect. milk thistle

 

Consider it your job to pamper yourself and go easy on yourself. local reiki awesome. spa. mms parasites etc my experience

 

sites hsi, bottomline, natnews

 

12 steps very helpful.

 

higher power, angels, spirituality

 

healing modalities list, yoga kundalini. journal, time for self art for arts sake. duck out of bottle parable search email and find what wrote around that time.

 

yoga yoke reign in fuse n religion latin etymology. once reigned in can harness.

 

the man and ox buddah story reign in mind n life then no ox no man stillness.

 

be artist of life.

 

.jpgs attach, meditation manual, tao te ching

 

baby steps, a journey of 10,000 paces begins with one step, and somewhere along the journey you may find yourself.

 

ADDENDUM B

A lot of my anxiety comes from chronic fatigue. I feel exhausted, even when I have plenty of sleep at night and naps during day. While I exercise I am not exhausted, but otherwise I am.

 

When I have no energy, I feel terrible. I can not focus. I can not get things done. This makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious. When I am like this the spark of Life is absent. It makes me feel powerless, depresses me and drives me nuts. It is important that I find a solution.

 

Possible reasons include:

A) Lyme's disease (Lyme's causes chronic fatigue). If I don't have Lyme's, I have something damn similar. Of 100 symptoms I had 80... how do you explain this? I now just have the chronic fatigue part. I would go to Igenix for the conclusive Lyme's test but I have no money. I don't want to ask for money. I also don't want to take MMS too often, especially until I know what I have.

 

B) Psych meds.  I take cymbalta psych med for OCD. I have to because without it I'm not well.  I have tried every psych med but only cymbalta works. I was going to call to make an appointment with Dr Brown but you sapped the strength and spirit I managed to muster and made that impossible. Now I am busy writing this out of necessity to heal US instead of healing myself. I had managed to begin to have a good day yesterday, but became too flustered to do anything but shake from trauma. It was such a beautiful day, the world could be our oyster.

 

C) Cigarettes. I was going to write up a method and a plan to quit yesterday, but I was sapped of  strength and spirit by your behavior and the frustration/adrenal reaction I had to it (yes I am codependent too...I am waiting to hear about my enrollment in codependency class). I was having a good day yesterday but became too flustered to do anything!

 

D) Body deficient in certain items. A possibility. For instance, certain relatively healthy people are incapable of processing B vitamins correctly and require shots.

 

E) The drain of constant anxiety from OCD. Even with medication I have anxiety all day (though I have learned to push through it, I still experience it, and it is tiring and takes it's toll).

 

F) Fluoride in water. Chlorine in water. Possible cause. I want to buy a filter, just for the fact that it's the right thing for our family (not just the 'my energy' question). However I am wary of EVER making ANY big ticket purchases EVER again after the Disney fiasco. I am committed to making money to pay for this, and to pay you back for Disney, as well as generally contribute to this house financially. I had plans yesterday to investigate task rabbit, a website job for  Don and craigslist odd jobs...but once again my energy and will was sapped. Today I am busy writing this letter.

 

G) The drain of constant anxiety from life/money/relationships

 

H) Lack of proper brain function from brain trauma. Waiting to hear when I can be examined.

 

I) Food allergies or diet. Possible I have burned out my adrenal and/or other glands, or that I can't process dairy leading to an energy drain, etc.

 

J) Depression from lack of a social life, fun, inspiration. Depression from relationship problems. Feeling stuck and isolated. Living every day as 12 step work to the exclusion of the rest of what Life has to offer (and be balanced with)... even our Tuesday 'date night' is an (admittedly) pleasant meal followed by...WORK...not really a date in my book! Just yesterday I found out about neat events at the empress, but I sadly knew in my heart we won't be going.

 

ADDENDUM C

My synopsis of  "The Four Agreements"

 

The world is a dream. Your life is a dream. Once you know this you can tailor the dream as you like. The world has it’s own dream, and it is sick. 97% of people are sick. Follow the four agreements and you will heal...to the point where it will be impossible to live in hell.

 

The natural state of humans can be seen in children. They smile are full of wonder and laugh. They are upset only when hungry, tired or fall. Think h.a.l.t. (hungry, angry, lonely, tired...and if feeling any of these things, remedy it). When children play 'grown up', let's say pretend to be their father a lawyer in court, you see a scowl come over their face. That is society. That father who is a lawyer is in essence like a child, but has forgotten under the deluge of society and it's voices.

 

From early on, society is impregnated into our minds. We are taught right from wrong. We are taught the cycles/ways and values/communication styles, etc. of our parents and their parents. Television, friends, everyone has a view, and over time we internalize all these voices. We wind up with a million voices in our head telling us what to do, how to value ourselves. It drives us mad. Sometimes these voices say conflicting things. Over time, a big book of 'Law' and a 'Victim' develops in our minds. Something we were reprimanded for years ago plays over and over in our head...even if we resolved the situation with the person we harmed. We beat ourselves up constantly. By listening and identifying with the victim, we constantly beat ourselves up and are suffering. We identify with this suffering. We seek out relationships that agree with our victim and acknowledges we are wrong our bad...we listen to these people and are drawn to them, because they 'know what they are talking about' because they say what we say to ourselves (though it is sick and wrong). We become, in a sense addicted to suffering, as we identify with it, it is the only truth we know.

 

The collection of these voices, especially the big book of law and judgment, and the victim, are the mind parasites. Our brain is like a computer. The mind parasite is a virus that infects our operating system, and we then pass it on. We pass it on when we gossip, when we make judgments of people, are mean to people. A mother returns home from a long day at work. She is exhausted. Her daughter is singing and though she loves her daughter, she is frazzled. Out of patterns she received from her upbringing she shouts out, 'stop that singing, you don't sing well'. The mother forgets ever having said this. Years go by and the daughter hasn't. She has replayed it over and over in her mind and has never tried to sing again, as she has internalized the parasite, she believes she cannot sing. In the circus, young elephants have a heavy chain put on their ankle. They cannot break it. As adults, it is replaced by a thin rope, yet they no longer try to break free, they remember they cannot (though they easily could).

 

We must learn to become warriors for peace. Warriors against the mind parasites. The sick dream. Not soldiers, as soldiers do what they are told, but warriors, honor guard.

 

The first agreement: Be impeccable with your word. Words, in the form of thought or spoken are true magic. They affect change in ourselves and the world. This is magic. Do not gossip. Do not speak ill to people...this only passes the parasite. If you say you are going to do something, be impeccable, follow through.

 

Second agreement: do not make assumptions. This leads to future anxiety (future tripping), and regret in the past (if...then). Assumptions are almost always wrong. They prevent you from living in and experiencing the moment. Instead, lovingly, without secret motives or agendas, ask questions. Keep asking questions until the truth is revealed.

 

Third agreement: Do not take anything personally. Everyone is infected with the mind parasite. What people do comes out of fear, anger, suffering. By doing your best every day, you do not need to take anything personally. If someone compliments you, do not take it personally. If they turn around 5 minutes later and insult you for the very same thing, do not take it personally.

 

Fourth agreement: Do your best every day. The level of what is your best will fluctuate. If you did not sleep well, your best the next day will be at a different level than if you did. It does not matter. If you do your best every day, you know this. It will allow you to not take anything personally, as you know in your heart you are and have been doing your best. Even if someone is going to shoot you (in an extreme example), do not take it personally. They are acting out of fear or anger as they are infected by the parasite.

 

Our skin is open to air and sunlight, touch and feeling good. Over time, the parasites, our ignorance, our sick dream cause injury and we have scabs covering our skin, our hearts, our minds. We are afraid of anyone touching us meaningfully, as they hurt the scabs. We remain disconnected from the world. Follow the four agreements and you will be healed of the wounds, and experience life fully as it is meant to be, allowing real connection, intimacy, joy wonder, being present in the moment.

 

Following the four agreements is foreign at first and takes effort. Print them out and keep them on your desk. Remind yourself. Practice. Over time, it is like a muscle that you flex. It becomes stronger and easier.

ADDENDUM D

I came across the writings of Myamoto Musashi, the greatest swordsman who ever lived. He won 60 duels. One loss would have meant death. He was a Samurai, and the level of discipline the Samurais engendered is beyond the comprehension of our Western minds. Thus, following his precepts to a letter is daunting to say the least. Yet, we must strive in our lives for perfection of character (in my opinion). Therefore, meditate on his precepts and sayings, and follow the Way as best you can.

 

1. Accept everything just the way it is.

 

2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake.

 

3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.

 

4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.

 

5. Be detached from desire your whole life long.

 

6. Do not regret what you have done.

 

7. Never be jealous.

 

8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.

 

9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others.

 

10. Do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love.

 

11. In all things have no preferences.

 

12. Be indifferent to where you live.

 

13. Do not pursue the taste of good food.

 

14. Do not hold on to possessions you no longer need.

 

15. Do not act following customary beliefs.

 

16. Do not collect weapons or practice with weapons beyond what is useful.

 

17. Do not fear death.

 

18. Do not seek to possess either goods or fiefs for your old age.

 

19. Respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help.

 

20. You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honour.

 

21. Never stray from the Way.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

 

 

“Do nothing that is of no use”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

 

 

 

“Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

 

 

 

“You must understand that there is more than one path to the top of the mountain”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“from one thing, know ten thousand things”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings: Miyamoto Musashi

 

 

 

“Get beyond love and grief: exist for the good of Man.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Perceive that which cannot be seen with the eye.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“If you wish to control others you must first control yourself”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“It is difficult to understand the universe if you only study one planet”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“You can only fight the way you practice”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Do not regret what you have done”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“If you do not control the enemy, the enemy will control you”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Whatever the Way, the master of strategy does not appear fast….Of course, slowness is bad. Really skillful people never get out of time, and are always deliberate, and never appear busy.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“All man are the same except for their belief in their own selves, regardless of what others may think of them”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honour.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“It is difficult to realize the true Way just through sword-fencing. Know the smallest things and the biggest things, the shallowest things and the deepest things.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings: Miyamoto Musashi

 

 

 

“Under the sword lifted high, There is hell making you tremble. But go ahead, And you have the land of bliss.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

 

 

“To know ten thousand things, know one well”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Never stray from the Way.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

 

 

“Perception is strong and sight weak. In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

“There is no one way to salvation, whatever the manner in which a man may proceed. All forms and variations are governed by the eternal intelligence of the Universe that enables a man to approach perfection. It may be in the arts of music and painting or it may be in commerce, law, or medicine. It may be in the study of war or the study of peace. Each is as important as any other. Spiritual enlightenment through religious meditation such as Zen or in any other way is as viable and functional as any "Way."... A person should study as they see fit.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi, A Book of Five Rings: The Classic Guide to Strategy

 

“I dreamt of worldly success once.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

“Polish your wisdom: learn public justice, distinguish between good and evil, study the ways of different arts one by one.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

 

 

“Develop intuitive judgement and understanding for everything.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

 

“Become acquainted with every art.”

 

― Miyamoto Musashi

anxiety not an addiction, yet 12 step so helpful so recommend attend and replace word

 

Addendum e

Alchemy. crucible. temperance. excellent and skillfull means

from http://www.hollingsworthcounseling.com/stages.htm

The alchemists believed there was a formula to alchemical transmutation and that transmutation could be experienced if these seven operations or stages were followed.  Illustrations throughout alchemical manuscripts give visual keys to the seven sequential steps, and show a pathway to union with the Divine self or higher consciousness.

 

The seven stages of alchemy are:

 

Calcination

 

This is the first stage of the alchemical practice and essentially represents the process of burning.  It represents a burning within the self, of energies repressed due to trauma, projection of others thoughts, ego, and feelings or emotions.  Calcination allows us to bring the energy or feelings to the surface, experience them fully and cause the fires of calcination to burn the energy away.  Once this step is complete, the process leaves us with a feeling of freedom from the energy.

 

Dissolution

 

Dissolution is the process of adding the element of water to the ashes of what has been burned by the fires of calcination. This is an emotional stage where the person takes themselves back to “the womb” of childhood where some of the impurities (repressed feelings) were attached and need to be washed away. The feelings, reactions, opinions, thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes must be examined for reality, to find whether they are based on repressed feelings or present facts.  This is a stage of anxiety, fear, denial, illusion and possible mental breakdown.  When a person moves through this stage they can then look at what is real because feeling all of the negative feelings has now penetrated the illusions.

 

Separation

 

In this stage of the alchemical process the individual is able to see himself in two parts or the opposites within. The two worlds represented are the world we have created -- fueled by what we come from -- and the world of consciousness and reality-- a world much different from the one we ourselves created. Repressed feelings cause a veil to be produced that causes reality to be skewed.  Separation is a process of being able to see and separate the ego self that has been burned in the fires of Calcination and the feelings expressed and released in Dissolution and choosing what is now important to keep of you.

 

Conjunction

 

Conjunction gives us our first look at the higher realms of existence such as spiritual connection, concept of God, or something greater than ourselves that is outside of and connected to our self.  This stage is described in the Emerald Tablet, “That which is Below corresponds to that which is Above, and that which is Above corresponds to that which is Below, to accomplish the miracles of the One Thing.”

 

Fermentation

 

Fermentation is also known as Putrefaction or decomposition.  This decomposition is the rotting of the dead self. There is realization on a deep level of ones deficiencies, and a possibility of mental depression at this stage.  To look into the dark shadows of one’s self is to look at what most deny.  Jung spoke of the importance of embracing one’s shadow so that the darkness of it could be illuminated.  When the shadow is embraced it can be healed with the introspection and understanding of what gave it birth.  Regeneration and growth begins to take place during this stage.

 

Distillation

 

Distillation is another wash of the parts of the personality that no longer work with the new self that has been uncovered. Human beings grow attached to the material world along with their thoughts, beliefs and opinions.  This stage of the work calls us to release attachment to everything and feel detachment as a true form of love.  This form of love is from a higher level and not a form that is usually practiced until we have let go of our attachments to end results or the future.  Distillation helps wash away the dark matter of attachment and reveal the deeper intuitive self in its purest form-- light and Oneness.

 

Coagulation

 

This is the last stage of the alchemical process. The balance of the opposites creates a balance and harmony necessary to easily move between the two realms of matter and spirit.  The person that has successfully accomplished this stage has completed unification within themselves on all levels.  They have been able to join spirit and soul with the body, separating them from everything that would hinder them ascension into the union with the Divine.  This is the stage of the phoenix rising from the ashes and the complete resurrection.

 

 appendix, eat what ancestors ate and diet for your blood type

 

examination of homeostasis kabalah. constant ebb n flow. powerful. lifegiving change coinstant and constantly the same body of water doing it as well, yin yang waves (n stop em)

 

yin yang duality vs little bits in each non duality. ego works on diff n duality, buddah warns of of this this or that life not black n white but grey, and even morality ethics of this grey area depends on the obdserver and their history and filters causing spec extraneous mitigating circumstances and rules perfception. good cop bends rules still hero. what ultimately truth is Gd, and dont worry about justice outside control, sereneity prayer and vengeance is mine sez the lord.

 

principle before personality. personality is wrong and in way and is not you not hte real you only the ill you, loose identity to find greater ident n truth.

 

to understand true nature of things look to nature. Then you will find the origin of the song of the bird. How? As Buddah said "I can sit and I can listen". Gnostic all wisdom is withing you. Buddah attained enl by sitting under tree, ignoring pains as ego intellect sez what u doing, get up n stretch. not extraneous complexity but return to simplicity then see harmony of true complexity within simple. biochem pathways unaware happening in stillness, thru yoga can perceive n control, insight.